House Update.... And some thoughts

Warning:  I tend to share some thoughts in this post that aren't just about the remodel.  Feel free to just skip down to the pictures ;)

Things are happening fast now.  Yay!  We have 75% of the flooring done in the home.  Paint on most of the walls.  75% of the kitchen is in...  We are SO CLOSE!!! I can't wait to be done.  It's been an interesting/hard/challenging/growth-promoting two months.  I wouldn't say it's been bad, or even super hard... I can think of a zillion things that are harder...  It's been different.  Coming out of navigating through the season we are in has left working on the house a much needed distraction.  It's hard to picture how life would be different if I play the "what if" game.  Don't get me wrong... I tend to let my mind wander there all the time.  It would be so different.  We would have done a lot of the renovations different, if we would have really started much of them at all.  And yes, I am very happy we have gotten to this point in the renovations process.  I look around all the time and thank God for this beautiful house he has blessed us with.  I am amazed that we get to live here.  Those blessings are not lost on me.  Not for one second.  But if I am really honest... I wish it all happened differently.  If I am real-real honest, as much as things look "fun/pretty/exciting" when I post an update (and they are those things) there is so much more going on in our lives and in our hearts.  I'm not sure why I am feeling compelled to share a little bit of that here, but...  well I did ;)  

Our hearts still hurt.  I am exhausted.  I am sad.  I am joyful.  I am ready to be settled.  Grieving can be very lonely.  Even when the person you spend your day with is grieving too, over the same exact things.  Sometimes that same exact grief looks and feels different.  That can be lonely.  I'm rambling but bare with me.  As excited as I am to be done with our home, to sit back and relax... I am a little nervous too... I'm a bit nervous that without the distraction of working on the home ALL THE TIME the reality of life, the reality of our loss will finally hit.  I'm scared about what that will look like, what that will feel like.  I'm ready to feel like me again.  To enjoy my boys, my friends, my husband, without that heavy feeling.  To give more of my time, talents, and passions.  To not be so tired.  Someone wise counseled Chris and I today and shared with us a few things that I really took to heart.  When someone goes through some of the hurt we've been through lately a few different things happen.  1. They assume a new identity.  They are no longer who they once were, it's different.  Something has changed, they are different.  We are different.  I kind of want to fight against that.  I was super comfortable with our old identity.  I was content and excited.  But I know this is true.  We will always and forever look different.  Our family will always feel different.  Jackson has started talking about Embrie Grace more frequently recently.  Sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry.  But all of his thoughts are so pure and so true.  The other day he told me that he is sad that she is with Jesus and not with us.  That he is happy she gets to be with Jesus because she will never get hurt and always be happy.  But he is sad that she is not here.  He also asked us if our "new sister" would take as long to get here as she did.  It's hard not to smile and cry at the same time when he shares what is happening in his heart.  He also talks a lot about how many people are in our family. 3 boys and 3 girls.  Chris, Jackson, Malakai, Me, Embrie Grace- in heaven, and our new sister-someday.  We do have a new identity.  2.  We no longer have the false sense of control.  We always knew on an intellectual level that we were never in control.  When Chris received a paycheck from work it wasn't because he worked hard for it, it was because God blessed us with it.  We knew that.  We proclaimed that.  Now we feel that.  It is sad not having that illusion of control.  It's a little scary.  It puts us on our knees completely dependent on God.  Right where we should be.  

I'm not sharing all of this for any reason in particular.  I just felt compelled to fill you in on where I am at.  What my heart is feeling.  We have been so blessed with an amazing community of friends who are supporting us in so many ways... from help on the house, to meals, to help with the boys.  We are so thankful.  We are even more thankful for your prayers.  They are felt for sure.  Thank you friends!  

Okay, now that I was completely vulnerable here are some pictures and updates from the past week (the reason you are even on this blog in the first place ;) )

Below:  Flooring is in! 

Below:  I decided to whitewash the fireplace.  I know some, if not many of you will say, "WHY? Why would you paint over the brick!"  I'm sorry, but the red brick just isn't appealing to me in my home... I am super happy I did it too!  Chris was so nervous that he couldn't watch.  It was super easy!  All I did was thin out the paint at a 1.5 parts paint to 1 part water ratio.  Then I just painted it on being careful for it not to drip or splatter.  It is MESSY!  Here is the before...

Below: After one coat

Below: After two coats.  I cannot wait to get the mantle up there!  We are also planning on painting the brass part of the screen too.

Below:  We were super excited for the floor and cabinets to be done in the kitchen, but when we placed the kitchen island in its spot we were not happy with the distance between the perimeter counters and the island.  Big time bummer.  It was placed at the standard distance but we just weren't happy.  Now this wouldn't be a huge deal to move except that we ran electricity to it for the microwave...  BIG time bummer.  In order to fix this Chris had to rip up the flooring and drill out more concrete to extend the power and install a new box under the new island location.  LOTS OF WORK... :(  So thankful for my hard working husband.

Below:  The kitchen is coming together.  Yay!  Cannot wait to see it finished.  Window, hood, countertops, pulls, paint the open cabinet, install dishwasher, oven, and the rest of the light fixtures... SO CLOSE!

Below: The view from the front door right now

Below:  A close up of one of the above-island fixtures

Below:  The Guest Bedroom.  Still needs decor, a light fixture and the window casings.  But I love having a designated space for guests!  Anyone want to stay over? ;)

Below:  The Guest Bath has had a little makeover too.  I used the Annie Sloan Chalk Paint on the cabinets, installed new knob, light fixture and paint.  We are planning on framing the mirror and need to install baseboards

Below:  Our master bedroom.  So happy to be sleeping in our room now and not the basement.  Can't wait to decorate once we unpack.  We still need to find a flush mount fan.  If you see one you like send a photo my way!

So there you have it.  It is really starting to feel like a home.  I think this next week will include baseboards, window casings, kitchen countertops, laundry and half bath paint... and by the end of the week- ENTERTAINING!  I will post pics as they come.  Have a great weekend. :)