Did They Sell?!?!?!

I've rewritten this first sentence like thirty times… and I still don't know how to start this post.  I really want to update you all on the happenings of this weekend and the Seahawks tickets… but I also want to address about a billion other things that are running through my mind.  Let's see how this goes.  :)

1.  The Tickets.  Did they sell for $32,000? 

Nope.  Not gonna lie, super bummed.  We were hopeful that they would.  We knew it was a stretch, a total crazy sounding idea that lots of people loved and some others weren't so fond of (more on that in a bit).  But no, we did not sell them for $32,000.  In fact we didn't sell that all.

2.  What did we do with them?

:) I'm excited to tell you!  On Monday morning we were guests on the Bob River's Show on 95.7 KJR FM Radio.  One of the producers had picked up the story and had written an article on it for their website.  She contacted us Saturday to see if we would be interested in coming on the air Monday morning as they thought they could help get the word out and maybe get these tickets sold.  On Sunday night Chris and I were talking.  We decided that if the tickets hadn't sold by Monday morning we weren't too positive that they would still sell on game day.  So, why not go on the show, talk about adoption and just get the word out.  AND why not give the tickets away to another deserving Seahawks fan?  It was amazing!  I was beyond nervous to be on live radio.  Besides the fear, I know my voice sounds like Minnie Mouse when on the phone and I have already heard it on KIRO earlier that week!  Squeaky! :)  We hadn't really ever listened to the Bob River's Show before and weren't entirely sure what to expect.  But the hosts were so friendly and encouraging, which really put us at ease.  

While on the air we got to speak about adoption, why we are adopting, and hear from callers.  The callers were great.  Most were interested in the tickets, but some just called into encourage us.  Our favorite call came from a girl named Mallorie.  She was just AMAZING!  She called because she felt compelled to thank us and tell us about her story.  Only 18 now she placed her baby 3 years ago at the age of 15.  She has since moved across the country and is now in culinary school.  Her sincerity and heart just touched us so much.  The whole station fell in love with her.  Later that night we even got to meet her!  She was so sweet and offered to stay in touch with us knowing what it is like to be on the birth mother side of an adoption.  KJR was so impressed with her and her viewpoint that they intend to have her back on the show to talk about adoption!!!  

We ultimately chose a caller who spoke with a lot of emotion.  He placed a baby for adoption 14 years ago and wanted to take his son to the game before he moved across the country with his mom.  They had never been to a game before.  We are so excited that they got to enjoy such a fun game together.

3.  Was it worth it?

That's a question I asked myself a billion times before going on the radio Monday morning.  Was this all worth it when in the end the tickets didn't sell?  Hmmm…  Yes.  Obviously the answer would have been yes if the tickets sold and our adoption was now funded.  That would have been amazing. It would mean that our daughter would be here sooner.  If they had sold, obviously it would have been worth it.  But they didn't sell.  It was still worth it.  Because on Monday morning we realized that just telling our story encouraged others.  Talking about adoption meant people heard about adoption.  It means that maybe, even if someone doesn't feel called to support our adoption, maybe now they are aware of the costs of adoption and will feel called to support an adoption for a friend or family member.  So ya, it was worth it, but OH MY GOSH IT SUCKED!

4.  What did I learn?

Ha!  A lot.  SO SO MUCH!  I don't even know where to start!

I learned….

• I do not have thick skin- things do not just "roll off my back".  Words hurt even if they come from the lamest of sources.

• I live in a bubble of encouraging, supportive, sacrificing, giving people.  Not everywhere and everyone have a community of support like Chris and I do.  That makes me sad.  And so thankful.  But it also was very shocking to discover.

• A LOT of people are very uninformed/misinformed/confused/uneducated/jaded on the topic of adoption.  It was shocking/surprising/sad/frustrating to witness.  

• A LOT of people feel the need to share hurtful/hateful/ignorant opinions and comments.  Remember how I don't have thick skin?  ;)  That was hard.  So hard that I was not allowed (had to promise Chris and a handful of friends) to read the comment thread on one of the articles.  UGH.  

• I also learned what an "Internet Troll" is.  Apparently there are people out there that sit around "trolling" through online articles about anything and everything looking to be argumentative/rude/mean/ugly in anonymous comments.  Just gross.

• It can be easy to judge something someone says or does without knowing any backstory on the person.  This was a HUGE reminder to not judge.  Not judge what someone says, the tone they say it in, what they do.  Because I am not them.  I do not know why or how they got to where they are.  So many of the miserable "questions" that were asked through comments and judgements would be answered if the person writing knew us.  Or knew anything about adoption.  Or knew anything at all… (oops!  was that judgmental?)

• There are SSSOOOOO MANY myths about adoption out there.  I am sure based on someones personal history they might have reason to believe one or two of these… but for the general public, I just think many people don't have a lot of knowledge on the subject.  Although some these thoughts might have never entered your head before here are a few we heard.

1. How can you afford a baby if you can't even pay for the adoption?  Really?  Well, I don't know about you, but we don't usually have an extra $20,000-$40,000 in the bank at all times waiting to make a lump sum payment.  It's a lot of money!  Even when giving birth to a baby and paying cash for the medical bill it is generally not even close to that much.  It also doesn't usually cost $20,000-$40,000 to take care of a baby.  So… ya.  One of the great things about adopting is that it never just about the adopting family, or the baby.  It is something that involves so many.  It involves the agency, the counselors, the lawyers, the friends, the family. all coming together in support of two families.  A birth family and an adoptive family.  Why not let others in on this incredible journey.  Not everyone is called to adopt but we can support others who do, whether financially, through prayer, or with your time and talents.  We are all called to love.
2. You shouldn't be adopting when you can have babies on your own.  Again, really?  I don't even know where to start with this one.  We've been extremely blessed to have had two healthy pregnancies and two healthy babies.  It is not lost on me at all how much harder this wait for our daughter would be if I didn't have my boys already here with me.  We know how blessed we are.  I have walked with friends as they struggled with infertility.  It is hard.  It is painful.  It is not fair.  These same friends are some of our biggest supporters as we go through this adoption process.  We as Christians have been called to love.  Our family has been called to love, a child, not one who came from us- but to us.  We are not going to apologize for opening our home, our hearts and our family to a child who will become our own.
3. There are tons of kids in foster care, if you weren't a greedy baby stealer you should be adopting a foster child.  You're right- there are a ton of children in foster care.  There are also many orphans in other countries.  And there are babies here in the US domestically that need a home.  For our family we knew that a domestic adoption would be the right fit.  Every family is different.  Some families adopt their first child, some their fifth.  Some adopt through the state and some from another country.  We chose what was right for our family.  We are certified through the state to adopt from the foster care system and have become educated on the process.  We also know that in the state of Arizona the states goal is reunification for the biological parent and their children.  It isn't until a case plan goes to severance and adoption that a child is available to be adopted.  It would be disingenuous of us, a family wanting to grow our family and bring home a child permanently to our home, to foster right now hoping the child would stay with us.  Don't get me wrong.  I do not believe every child should be reunited and that as foster parent's we shouldn't or can't hope for our foster child to stay with us, but for our family right now it's just not a right fit.  Given our loss last year we don't feel that we can bring a child to our home that might not stay.  We have friends and family that foster and have adopted through the foster care system.  Now that we have been through the classes and know the need I am hopeful that someday we will be able to open our home to foster children and that we might be a support to them and their families.
4. You are stealing a baby- you should give $32,000 to the birth mom because everyone knows families should stay together.  Sigh… ok.  That's really not going to solve much.  Maybe, in some situations? But probably not.  When using a reputable adoption agency some of the fees that are charged go to birth family support.  This is a GOOD THING.  And it is one of the reasons we want to use an adoption agency.  A good agency not only offers hours of support and counseling prior to match and placement, but also post placement.  Many agencies walk through not just the entire adoption process with a birth mom and family but also for years after, offering support and services.  No one gets pregnant with hopes of placing their baby for adoption, but some parents know that they are not capable of parenting a child right now.  These brave parents choose life for their baby.  They are selfless in their decision, sacrificing their needs for the needs of their child.  We have had the opportunity to meet a few birth moms that are some of the most incredible people.  We believe in life, that each baby created is a miracle.  Adoption agencies are able to walk through this scary time with a birth family helping them understand that by choosing adoption they are choosing life for their child.  

There have been many other adoption "myths", claims and just false bogus things posted as a response to this story.  It is has been sad to become aware of other's misconceptions.  I hope that by addressing a few of these I was able to shed some light on the subject as well as our family's heart for the issue.  I have included a list of links below that are great resources for those wanting to know more about adoption or are interested in adopting.  

Christian Family Care

abort73

Together for Adoption

Arizona DES

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Esther's Hope

If you have any questions for me that I haven't answered, please feel free to shoot me an email.  

Thanks!